Its hard to be a step mom. Specially when the kids are living here with you. But under strained circumstances. My step kids mom tested positive for meth and my husband won temporary custody of the children. So for 90 days the kids will be here we have just completed month one. In this time the kids can only see mom for 3 hrs on Sunday afternoons supervised. Its been really hard on my SD (step daughter) she cries every Sunday night. My SS (step son) seems to be angry toward his mom. He is a little older and understands exactly what has happened and how long mom has been using drugs. She had told him that the hair test went back years and years and that this was something she did years ago. He has since learned the truth that the test only goes back 3 months and that she has been using for a long time. He came home with us and got in the internet and looked up the signs of a user. He came to his dad and I and said mom has been doing this for a long time. He explained how you can't wake her up in the mornings and when they get home from school on the bus she is still asleep. And alot of other signs she shows of using drugs. He said he knows the difference between want and need now. He wants to live with mom because she needs him and he needs to live with dad because he will go to school everyday and get good grades.
Guess I should explain that the kids have had truancy problems since first grade and SS is going into 9th and SD is just now going to 7th and is 13. I had to take SD to a truancy hearing for missing 32 days of school this year. Her mom was suppose to show up since she had custody during the time of the truancy. Well she didn't show up and SD had to face the judge alone even tho the truancy wasn't her fault. Mom now has a warrant out for her arrest for failure to appear. On top of this their mom was ordered to pay $250 to the ad-litem (kids lawyer) and so was my husband. She didn't pay her part. She is also ordered to pay my husband $125 for the hair test, we never seen that money either. In about 2 days she is ordered to pay $175 in child support too. Well contempt charges have been filed on the 2 things she hasn't payed yet. And once the child support is late for 30 days then we file contempt on that too. Thats all she was court ordered to do. We asked for rehab or counseling but the judge said no to ordering that. He wants her to do it on her own and come back to court with lots of drug tests and papers showing she went.
Personally I do think she is doing some kind of counseling but as far as the drug tests or getting stuff payed no she isn't. She doesn't realize that she is making huge mistakes. And as a mother myself I just want to strangle her!! how can you do this to your kids HOW?!?! My son is 11 and makes straight A's has never missed more than 5 days in a school year and has never been tardy a day in his life. He will never have to face a judge about truancy or have his mother doing drugs and get taken away from her. My SS and SD deserve so much better out of life. But they talk about how they are poor and so on... your mother got child support, your dad paid for school clothes and supplies and whatever else you needed. They know now how much in child support she got and that everytime she got it in the mail, she would cash it and buy 2 cartons of cigarettes and put some gas in her car. And never spent it on anything else. Because she chooses to make child support her only income instead of getting a job. And btw she is married so she does have means to pay bills etc. She is on food stamps and has the kids on medicaid since she was ordered to provide insurance and my husband reimburse her... reimburse her for medicaid????????
Its frustrating!! I know there are alot of moms who get child support and do whats right with it. And take care of their children. But there are some who do this and use it for drugs and the kids are left to wear second hand clothes with rips and holes in them to school. They can't make it on the bus in time because mom didn't get up because she is coming down from her drugs. The house is so nasty because SD was the one playing mommy and doing all the laundry and cooking and cleaning. Their step dad had left their mom for about 4 months last year and she just lost it. The kids put it as she forgot all about us. But even once they patched things up SD was still doing everything. And the house really looks like a 13 yr old is taking care of everything.
I know they love and miss their mom. I understand that part very well. But how can I get them prepared to not ever going back to living with mom. Because its starting to look like they won't be going back. And she has them counting down the days. Her not abiding court orders is whats going to bite her in the ass. But she doesn't see that. she thinks she will just skate by on this like everything else. She actually thought crying and begging the judge that she won't ever touch drugs again that he would let her keep them. Let me put it this way... she and I are the same age (33) only one month separates our birthdays.... she looks like she is 45 in the face because of how long she has been using drugs. And I got a good look at her at the last visitation its just awful how bad her face and teeth look. My husband said she didn't look that way when he was with her, she was 18 back then.
I have been there for both kids since the start. We've been married for 12 yrs our anniversary is in July. And their mom told me thank you one night on the phone, for talking to SD when she cries. She said not many step parents will take a child in like that. I said you talk as if I found out yesterday that these kids are my step kids. I reminded her that we've been married for 12 yrs and these kids are like my own kids and I would never treat them any different. She didn't have much to say after that. I've been in the child care profession for 12 yrs too. I am now a substitute, there is no way I will ever treat a child badly just because their mom doesn't have her priorities straight. Its not their fault.
We are thinking about having the kids get some kind of therapy to help them deal with everything. Someone they can talk to openly and not be afraid to say whats on their minds. I think it would help them alot. I came to this place as sort of a therapy for me. :) Somewhere I can let off my anger or frustrations without having to watch what I say. My husband works long hours and so I am the one person who sees, hears and deals with everything. Its been hard on me as well. But its worth it in the long run to have the kids save and living in a good environment. And going to school!!
Anyways, I'll end it here. I'm sure I should have started a blog from the beginning because I probably have confused you as to how things have progressed. We are in limbo right now waiting for the next hearing in July but will come back on here as I need to...to vent so to speak. :)
